Life

It was two and a half years ago, at the age of 52, when my mother first learned about Aspergers. Until then she had gone her entire life wondering why she felt she didn't belong. I remember my mom came to me with this exciting news that she finally found an answer to her life long question. I didn't know how to respond. I didn't 'get it' until about a year later when I noticed similar traits in another individual who's close to me.

You might want to ask, "Didn't you always know your mom was different?" No, I didn't because it was all I knew. It's not until now looking back that I am able to identify 'abnormal' child rearing practices and it doesn't harm me because it is in the past and I am equipped with an explanation. I wouldn't change a thing about my mother or trade her for a Neurotypical any day because what she has given me is priceless.

One of the things I am most grateful for is a clear perception of reality. What greater gift to give a child than mental health? I see Neurotypical mothers projecting their insecurities out on their daughters by teaching them how to be socially correct. This girl bonding ritual between mother and daughter only reinforces their addiction to the endorphin fix they get by pleasing others. They become a slave to their emotions.

You might think I turned out to be a social nightmare without a Neurotypical mother to teach me proper social behavior but it was actually in spite of this that I became quite good at socializing. I developed a sink or swim mentality on the battlegrounds of public school and learned quite fast how to get others' approval. The downside, it was all a bluff and when it was called I couldn't stand up for myself but that just made me all the better at playing the offense and keeping them in the friend position.

Another thing I escaped by not having a Neurotypical mom was manipulation. Whether we admit it or not, the Neurotypical human nature is guilty of manipulation because we are driven by selfish ulterior motives. It's a social battlefield where manipulation is just another grenade in our hands. I'm not saying Aspies are incapable of manipulation but the driving force is usually not there. What I got from my mother was truth. It wasn't always pleasant or filtered for a child's ear, but it was truth.

Ironically, my mother's lack of manipulation caused me to be a pro at manipulating her. Not only was my mom an easy target due to her naive Aspie nature, but we were also a step-family. My biological father was not a part of our life. My mom met and soon married my (Neurotypical) step-father when I was 5. Months later my mom had a son with him who we could later identify as another Aspie. My step-father had an explosive temper and my mom would often have to play referee while suffering with extreme bouts of insomnia.

My mother's guilty conscience often had her trying to compensate for my step-father's over-authoritarian approach to raising me. I was like a ball rolling on a see-saw from one extreme to the other. I couldn't do anything about my step-father but my mom was a wide open target for my resentment. I played her like a fiddle and took all the pity I could get.

My mom had an agenda: to instill the self-esteem in me that she never got from her childhood. Her plan soon backfired on her when I hit teen years and I was so puffed up full with pride that I exploded. I was now raising my mom and there wasn't a thing she could do about it. She had disarmed my step-father, rendering his authority useless and I was a train wreck. In a desperate attempt to gain back some authority my mom laid down some rules but it was like trying to put a saddle on a wild horse. I bucked her right off and left my house for good when I was 16.

The good side was my mom had made me a fighter. My entry into the world may have been abrupt but at least I wasn't going in with rose colored glasses on. I got caught up in the common temptations of this world but they didn't drown me because I had a life vest of truth. I could quickly judge the motives of people and act accordingly. I wasn't a slave to this role-playing that others were taught from youth, but thanks to my Neurotypical nature, my roles were there when I needed to use them.

Now, ten years later and the storm has cleared. I can look back safely equipped with this new knowledge of Aspergers and there is an explanation. My mom is not to blame, she is a hero in my eyes and full of strength I admire and hope to emulate.

What I hope you can take away from tonight is the appreciation for Aspies. Our world cannot function properly without their contribution. It just so happens that we have more Neurotypicals than Aspies and this is a good thing because in order for a tribe to function properly there must be more Indians than Chiefs. Aspies are born Chiefs because they lack the sensory constraints of this world. They rely on logic to solve a problem thus making their conclusion irrefutable. Neurotypicals have an inherent desire to be socially pleasing in order to achieve their emotional fix thus resulting in a herd-like mentality. One neurological structure is not better than the other. For centuries we have co-existed leading and following without the labels.